Do The Things You Did At First

Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place. -Revelation 2:4-5 (NIV)

In The United Methodist Church, couples who want to be married by a United Methodist pastor must undergo pre-marital counseling. With divorce rates in our world so high, the hope is that counseling will help people to keep the vows that they are about to make to each other.

I usually begin pre-marital counseling by asking couples how they fell in love. I want to know what brought them together, what attracts them to each other, and when they began to have some sense that they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together.

One of the things that I point out is that most couples don't love each other immediately. They may be attracted to each other, but the love takes time. Preceding their love for another was an intentionality to do loving things for each other: open the car door, pull out a chair for your partner before dinner, write a love letter on the back of a napkin, or send flowers for no special reason. In budding relationships, you're trying to convince the other person that "I'm the one you want to spend time with!" Loving acts lead to love; it's usually not the other way around.

Where marriages and relationships often begin to fail is when people who claim to love one another stop doing loving things for each other. Life happens. People get busy with careers and families. Whatever the reason, loving acts that were so instrumental in cultivating love initially become less frequent; the love light flickers.

I always ask people who tell me that their relationship is broken if things would improve if they would apologize to each other and go back to doing the things they did at first...the things that led them to fall in love initially. Are they willing to do that? Would it help? Some seem certain that it would; others seem certain that it wouldn't.

In the suggested scripture reading this morning, Jesus is addressing the church at Ephesus. He points out their good deeds, their hard work, their perseverance, their dislike of wickedness and false prophets. But he also points out that their love for God and for each other has waned. Jesus instructs them to turn around and do the things they did at first, the things that led to their intense love of God and each other.

Is there waning love in your life? Was there a time when it was SO awesome and now it's just so NOT? Is it worth saving? What would happen if you apologized and did the things you did at first, the things that caused you to fall in love to begin with? I cannot answer these questions for you, only for myself.

May God grant you the grace in whatever way you need it most today.

If you're interested in reading through the Bible in a year, tomorrow's readings are Ezekiel 4-7 and Revelation 3.